Since the company I work for is infested with liberals and hippies, we have a "give back" program in place that is intended to waste company assets and revenue in order to benefit the larger community. Most of this aforementioned program focuses on volunteering at a local middle school that is renowned for offering a substandard education. Luckily, I am able to dodge involvement in these efforts since I have a restraining order in place that bars me from being within 50 yards of any elementary, middle or high school in the State of Colorado - there was an incident of which my lawyer advises me not to speak.
As much as I avoid involvement, the other employees in my department embrace it. It seems like they pounce upon every opportunity they are presented that involves milling about with grubby adolescents. So, when this institute of learning held a short story competition, many of my colleagues volunteered to be judges.
While I did not participate in the actual judging, I was given the opportunity to read many of these stories. They were hypnotic. They were amazing. They were the worst writing ever performed by a human hand (or robot for that matter). Narrators shifted from third person omniscient to first person at the drop of a hat. People were simultaneously drowned while having conversations. Dogs magically appeared to be stabbed in the neck. Entire pages of story were missing. Girls told each other that they had fat asses.
I was enchanted by the very nature of these tales. They were so horrific that I could not turn my eyes away, and as I pawed through page after baffling page, I knew that I had to recreate this phenomenon. The mildly-retarded seventh-grader inside me beckoned me to write a story of equal caliber. It was a challenge I could not resist.
And lo, I organized among my colleagues a short story competition. There were only two rules:
- The story had to be roughly three pages long
- The story had to be written in the style of a poorly educated seventh grader.
My entry will now follow.
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1 comment:
Well, you dind't have to try that hard...(J/K) : ) You go dude! Screw the hippies! (and the liberals too! Oh wait, they're one in the same...never mind.)
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