Filthy Frolicking

Keeping with my tradition of punctuated equilibrium when it comes to my postings, I feel the need to offer up an additional choice morsel this evening. While working from home earlier this evening, I had Dirty Dancing playing in the background. Admittedly, I’m behind the curve to offer any commentary regarding this film since it came out when I was not yet shaving; however, I would like to record a few observations I made while watching this film:

• Grind dancing has apparently been around since the early 60’s
• Being a hussy and getting knocked up are in no way related…in fact, it seems that the bigger hussy you are, the less likely you are to become impregnated
• Dancing dirty is bad, but wearing short shorts and tight tank tops is okay
• “Nobody puts baby in the corner” – whatever the hell that means
• Guys from Ivy League schools are dicks that are exclusively focused on getting into my pants
• Chicks dig it when guys lip synch to music
• You should wait to go all the way until you find someone that you are “like in love with”
• Patrick Swayze is a really good dancer, but Patrick Stewart is better
• Erin Grey was much better in Ferris Bueler’s Day Off
• The more ethnic you are, the more slutty you are on the dance floor
• Two young women dancing together is hot, but two old women dancing together is nauseating
• Patrick Swayze really hates shirts and loves tight pants.

You sir, are a doody head.

Greetings ladies and gentlemen,

That’s right, I’m back.

Now, you may have wondered where I had been for so long – well, to show my support for the Writers Guild, I have been on strike from my blog. Admittedly, I was on strike long before the guild assembled on its picket lines, but that is simply because I wanted to show this strike my full support. I wanted to make it clear that I was so far behind this boycott that I got out in front of it by a factor of months. That’s how behind I am…behind “it,” I mean.

So why have I now broken my silence? One reason – rage. No, not rage at the studios. Not rage at unequal pay scales. Not rage at the corporate fat cats who refuse to let go of a measly few percentage points to the actual creators of the content they profit from. Not rage at the unfairness of the universe.

No. It is at the runners of this Web site that I turn my ire.

According to these geniuses, I apparently write at an elementary school level. AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL LEVEL? Well, I would like to take a moment to respond: These people are doody heads. That’s right! They are poo-poo faces that are stinky and smelly and are not my friends. They are dog-breathed boogers, and nobody likes them. They just don’t recognize good writing because they have poopy-pants dork brains that can’t comprehend how awesome I am.

Analyze that, jerkfaces.


UPDATE: Apparently the inclusion of this rant and the blog entry above have elevated my status to Junior High.