As Q1/2006 draws to a close, it is time at my employer to draft new objectives for the coming year. It is by these goals that my occupational efforts will be measured, my worth determined. Bearing in mind that I consider my job to be a minimal portion of my life (while absorbing a bulk of my time), I decided that I would also draft a list of objectives for the oncoming year that relate to my personal development. And so I give you now, my personal objectives for 2006:
- Don't die
- Stop being such a jerk
- Buy a house (and by "house" I mean "townhome"...and by "buy," I mean "burn to the ground")
- Resume my diet
- Stop listening to my teeth...especially when they make sense
- Grow another mohawk
- Do a better job of staying in touch with out-of-state family and friends
- Stop threatening coworkers with physical violence...non-physical violence still ok
- Write something substantive...or at least come up with a really good excuse why I haven't
- Memorize some Shakespeare
- Trick beautiful woman into falling in love with me by quoting aforementioned Shakespearen passages
- Save up money to buy a mail-order bride if Operation Bard Maiden fails (and by "buy," I mean "burn to the ground"...probably crossed a line with that one)
- Undo the mistakes of the previous year.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Saturday - March 18, 2006
Sullivans
8:00-9:30PM
Feasting like kings at Sullivans steak house. There was steak. There were mushrooms. There were onion rings you could fit a man's hand through. There was creamed corn and au gratin potatoes and grog and targ.
Morning Wood
9:40PM
We only caught the tail-end of this show, but to say that it was suggestive would be an understatement. It was very suggestive...and those suggestions were mostly about procreative activities (e.g. sex).
The Stills
10:00PM
These guys were pretty good, and once again, Buzz took advantage of his press pass to get behind the crowd barrier and get some close up shots. My friends were all gaga about these guys, but standing in that front row, all I could think was that they really needed a hot chick beating on a drum and a crazy Ukrainian singer.
The Longcut
11:00PM
We only caught a part of this show because the previous venue we were at was nowhere near this one. That being said, these guys were good. Unfortunately, after a very long week, I was pretty worn out and rather than watching the show I snagged a table on the top level of the venue and only listened to them. Again, I liked what I heard, but I just couldn't get that into them.
Nine Black Alps
12:00AM
The only band that I heard their entire set and yet never physically saw the band (I was still on that top level sitting under an air conditioning duct watching my friends Ian and DeLynn play table football). Since these guys really sucked, I didn't feel like I missed anything.
The Charlatans
1:00AM
Finally, the reason we walked all of the way over here in the first place - the Charlatans. The lead singer had done something to his voice between the Fader party and that night because you could tell he was struggling, but he was a trooper and did a really good show. Unfortunately, a gangly British man kept hitting me with his murse as he jostled about next to me...any reports you heard about a man strangled to death by a handbag in the Austin area were purely coincidental, and the above statement in no way reflects a motive or admission of guilt in any way...under the advice of my counsel, I will now invoke my fifth amendment right.
8:00-9:30PM
Feasting like kings at Sullivans steak house. There was steak. There were mushrooms. There were onion rings you could fit a man's hand through. There was creamed corn and au gratin potatoes and grog and targ.
Morning Wood
9:40PM
We only caught the tail-end of this show, but to say that it was suggestive would be an understatement. It was very suggestive...and those suggestions were mostly about procreative activities (e.g. sex).
The Stills
10:00PM
These guys were pretty good, and once again, Buzz took advantage of his press pass to get behind the crowd barrier and get some close up shots. My friends were all gaga about these guys, but standing in that front row, all I could think was that they really needed a hot chick beating on a drum and a crazy Ukrainian singer.
The Longcut
11:00PM
We only caught a part of this show because the previous venue we were at was nowhere near this one. That being said, these guys were good. Unfortunately, after a very long week, I was pretty worn out and rather than watching the show I snagged a table on the top level of the venue and only listened to them. Again, I liked what I heard, but I just couldn't get that into them.
Nine Black Alps
12:00AM
The only band that I heard their entire set and yet never physically saw the band (I was still on that top level sitting under an air conditioning duct watching my friends Ian and DeLynn play table football). Since these guys really sucked, I didn't feel like I missed anything.
The Charlatans
1:00AM
Finally, the reason we walked all of the way over here in the first place - the Charlatans. The lead singer had done something to his voice between the Fader party and that night because you could tell he was struggling, but he was a trooper and did a really good show. Unfortunately, a gangly British man kept hitting me with his murse as he jostled about next to me...any reports you heard about a man strangled to death by a handbag in the Austin area were purely coincidental, and the above statement in no way reflects a motive or admission of guilt in any way...under the advice of my counsel, I will now invoke my fifth amendment right.
Friday - March 17, 2006
I foolishly thought that I would be allowed to sleep in late after my big night...I was wrong. I was bundled up, dragged to lunch and then dragged downtown for some unofficial non-SXSW sanctioned entertainment. I believe the venue was somewhere in the third circle of Hell.
Spank Rock
3:00PM
Based on their name, I thought that these guys would possibly rock, or at least make an attempt to do so. It was only after their set began that I realized this dynamic crap duo's name was meant to imply a punishment for Rock and anyone who enjoys it. Admittedly, I am not a big crap fan, but there are some crap artists that I like. However, regarding these men, I would aid, abet, and accesorize after the fact any who sought to do them harm.
The Shrieking Harpy Needs to Shut Her Pie Hole and Get Off of the Stage
3:45PM
I'm not entirely sure that this was what that band was called. But if it wasn't, it should have been.
Art Brut
4:15PM
When will the hurting stop?
RJD2
4:45PM
Another DJ and the reason I had been dragged to this hellish sideshow. I had hoped that he would be cool since his name was so close to R2-D2. Maybe this DJ would incorporate some Star Wars sound effects into his turntablism. He did not. However, he did not cause intense jolts of pain and waves of nausea, so he had that going for him.
The Boiling Pot (The Fader Party)
6:30PM - 8:30PM
At this point in the day, my friends began plotting and scheming regarding how they were going to get into another unofficial non-SXSW sanctioned event - the Fader Party. This was a private show, boasting the Charlatans, Twilight Singers and Dirty Pretty Things that was invitation only. Since we did not have an invitation, we attempted to build a trebauche that would launch us into the venue. This plan did not work. We then a tried a rooftop to rooftop pole vaulting method. This too met with failure. Finally, we struck upon genius (technically, I struck upon genius, but later in the evening everyone else claimed that they were the one to have the genius idea, but it was I. Not them). Across a large, poorly-lit drainage ditch / creek (which I affectionately referred to as the "Raping/Killing Place") from the venue was a restaurant called the Boiling Pot. But this was not just any restaurant. This was a restaurant with a balcony - from which one could hear (and to a limited extent) watch the Fader party. I was distracted throughout most of the show by the dead aquatic lifeforms that were spread all over our table, so I really can't comment too much on the performances, but since I was sitting down and stuffing my face throughout the performance, this was one of the more enjoyable shows.
Scissors for Lefty
9:00PM
These guys were pretty good, but given as I am to fixate on various external stimuli, I was only able to pay partial attention to them. I had stationed myself against the wall at the top of the first set of stairs of this tri-leveled venue. I was not blocking the stairs, but instead was a couple paces back so that people could easily get past me. After a couple of songs, a freakishly tall obliviot decided that he was going to go stand right in front of the stairs, blocking both my view and anyone attempting to go up or down the stairs. After having several people run into him, he realized his mistake and moved away...for all of three minutes. He was then back with a vengeance, white-boy shuffling like a madman. He was soon joined by a rather tall woman who seemed to think that the blocking the stairs (and my view) thing was the best thing since the fall of Communism and took up a flanking position next to her man. Of course, anyone who subsequently tried to go up or down the stairs would instead hug the wall to get around these two and run into me. I have to admit, I was never more tempted to knock anyone down a flight of stairs in my life.
Standing in line to get into the Blender Bar for the Editors show at 11:00PM
9:40PM
Since it was St. Patrick's day and everything was crazy, we thought it might be a good idea to get into the venue early.
Standing in line to get into the Blender Bar for the Editors show at 11:00PM
9:50PM
Yep. There sure are a lot of people here.
Standing in line to get into the Blender Bar for the Editors show at 11:00PM
10:05PM
I sure am glad that we're finally moving. It looks like we've made it about halfway in the time we've been standing here. We'll probably get in just in time. But maybe we should send someone over to Stubb's to see if there's a line there. It wouldn't hurt to have a backup show.
Standing in line to get into the Blender Bar for the Editors show at 11:00PM
10:20PM
So the Stubb's line is all the way around the block? Crap. Well it looks like we're making some progress. I think we'll just make it.
Standing in line to get into the Blender Bar for the Editors show at 11:00PM
10:35PM
I sure do love standing in line.
Standing in line to get into the Blender Bar for the Editors show at 11:00PM
10:45PM
"Folks. The Blender Bar is now badges only. If you've got a wristband, you're not getting in." ...We had wristbands.
Frustrated, tired and with more than one member of our troupe nursing an illness, we decide to throw in the towel and call it a night.
Spank Rock
3:00PM
Based on their name, I thought that these guys would possibly rock, or at least make an attempt to do so. It was only after their set began that I realized this dynamic crap duo's name was meant to imply a punishment for Rock and anyone who enjoys it. Admittedly, I am not a big crap fan, but there are some crap artists that I like. However, regarding these men, I would aid, abet, and accesorize after the fact any who sought to do them harm.
The Shrieking Harpy Needs to Shut Her Pie Hole and Get Off of the Stage
3:45PM
I'm not entirely sure that this was what that band was called. But if it wasn't, it should have been.
Art Brut
4:15PM
When will the hurting stop?
RJD2
4:45PM
Another DJ and the reason I had been dragged to this hellish sideshow. I had hoped that he would be cool since his name was so close to R2-D2. Maybe this DJ would incorporate some Star Wars sound effects into his turntablism. He did not. However, he did not cause intense jolts of pain and waves of nausea, so he had that going for him.
The Boiling Pot (The Fader Party)
6:30PM - 8:30PM
At this point in the day, my friends began plotting and scheming regarding how they were going to get into another unofficial non-SXSW sanctioned event - the Fader Party. This was a private show, boasting the Charlatans, Twilight Singers and Dirty Pretty Things that was invitation only. Since we did not have an invitation, we attempted to build a trebauche that would launch us into the venue. This plan did not work. We then a tried a rooftop to rooftop pole vaulting method. This too met with failure. Finally, we struck upon genius (technically, I struck upon genius, but later in the evening everyone else claimed that they were the one to have the genius idea, but it was I. Not them). Across a large, poorly-lit drainage ditch / creek (which I affectionately referred to as the "Raping/Killing Place") from the venue was a restaurant called the Boiling Pot. But this was not just any restaurant. This was a restaurant with a balcony - from which one could hear (and to a limited extent) watch the Fader party. I was distracted throughout most of the show by the dead aquatic lifeforms that were spread all over our table, so I really can't comment too much on the performances, but since I was sitting down and stuffing my face throughout the performance, this was one of the more enjoyable shows.
Scissors for Lefty
9:00PM
These guys were pretty good, but given as I am to fixate on various external stimuli, I was only able to pay partial attention to them. I had stationed myself against the wall at the top of the first set of stairs of this tri-leveled venue. I was not blocking the stairs, but instead was a couple paces back so that people could easily get past me. After a couple of songs, a freakishly tall obliviot decided that he was going to go stand right in front of the stairs, blocking both my view and anyone attempting to go up or down the stairs. After having several people run into him, he realized his mistake and moved away...for all of three minutes. He was then back with a vengeance, white-boy shuffling like a madman. He was soon joined by a rather tall woman who seemed to think that the blocking the stairs (and my view) thing was the best thing since the fall of Communism and took up a flanking position next to her man. Of course, anyone who subsequently tried to go up or down the stairs would instead hug the wall to get around these two and run into me. I have to admit, I was never more tempted to knock anyone down a flight of stairs in my life.
Standing in line to get into the Blender Bar for the Editors show at 11:00PM
9:40PM
Since it was St. Patrick's day and everything was crazy, we thought it might be a good idea to get into the venue early.
Standing in line to get into the Blender Bar for the Editors show at 11:00PM
9:50PM
Yep. There sure are a lot of people here.
Standing in line to get into the Blender Bar for the Editors show at 11:00PM
10:05PM
I sure am glad that we're finally moving. It looks like we've made it about halfway in the time we've been standing here. We'll probably get in just in time. But maybe we should send someone over to Stubb's to see if there's a line there. It wouldn't hurt to have a backup show.
Standing in line to get into the Blender Bar for the Editors show at 11:00PM
10:20PM
So the Stubb's line is all the way around the block? Crap. Well it looks like we're making some progress. I think we'll just make it.
Standing in line to get into the Blender Bar for the Editors show at 11:00PM
10:35PM
I sure do love standing in line.
Standing in line to get into the Blender Bar for the Editors show at 11:00PM
10:45PM
"Folks. The Blender Bar is now badges only. If you've got a wristband, you're not getting in." ...We had wristbands.
Frustrated, tired and with more than one member of our troupe nursing an illness, we decide to throw in the towel and call it a night.
Thursday - March 16, 2006
Unfortunately, this was the best day of the trip, which is kind of a bad thing when you're on day two of a four day music festival...
Mike Relm
8:00 PM
This was a turntablist (DJ) from San Francisco. (I released a derisive guffaw when I first heard the "turntablist" term, but apparently that kind of response is looked down upon in certain circles. Mainly in circles that use the term "turntablist.") Now, typically, I could care less about DJ's, but as I watched this guy's show, I realized that if you incorporate movie or TV footage into something, I'll find it entertaining. This guy had a DVD scratcher that let him manipulate the on-screen video along with the audio. For his mixing purposes, he incorporated scenes from two of my favorite movies - Fight Club and Office Space - along with various other films. Buzz took this picture (http://www.flickr.com/photos/ldandersen/113670438/in/photostream/) when good ol' Mike was mixing a Bjork video. Notice how much nicer Buzz's pictures are.
Point of interest: This show was at the Blender bar, which apparently caters to an extremely tall clientele. While using the bathroom, I was barely able to get the corresponding bit of my anatomy to a level that would allow me to use the facility in an appropriate manner. If I were a few inches shorter (like Buzz...he may be able to take nicer pictures, but I'm taller), I would have had to have been on my tiptoes.
Magnet
9:00 PM
This was a one man show, and this guy had talent. He just sat in a chair surrounded by an electric guitar, banjo (also electric), a sitar (also, also electric) and a bunch of pedals and made it sound like he had an entire band accompanying him. It was impressive. He'd pick up an instrument, play it for a song, put it down, pick up the next instrument and start playing it.
Flogging Molly
10:15 PM
A few of my friends had recommended these guys, and I was not disappointed. They were kind of like a Celtic Gogol Bordello (if you don't know who that is, just keep reading), at least, that's what I thought when I saw them. So, if Gogol Bordello = gypsy punk, then Flogging Molly = potato eating, alcoholic (Irish) punk.
The Living End
11:30 PM
I had never heard of these guys, but by a little ingenuity and hard work, I made it right up to the front stage for their show. While Flogging Molly had seen fit to incorporate a fiddle into their act, these guys went for a full-blown cello - a cello, I should point out, that the cellist saw fit to mount several times during the show (see image below).
(Note: The actual instrument may not have been a cello, but I am not an expert in classical instruments.)
I think I should also point out that these guys started out in full suits and jackets. After the first couple of songs, they had peeled off the jackets. By the end of their set, they had sweated through their white shirts so thoroughly that it looked like we were watching a wet-tshirt contest...with very ugly women...very ugly.
Gogol Bordello
12:45 AM
These people are the Platonic ideal of live music. I may not have been to as many live shows as some people, but I defy you to find a band that can put on a show like these guys. As a brief recap, I was first exposed to Gogol Bordello last year at SXSW, and I have been in awe ever since. The band is a mixture of old-world gypsy music (a la accordion and fiddle) and new world punk. They are expert showmen, and every time I have seen them, they have had the crowd simultaneously whipped into a frenzy and eating out of their hand. (I may point out that having a frenzied anything, crowd or otherwise, eat out of your hand is a rather dangerous task and should not be tried without the proper adult supervision.)
In addition to those on instruments, there are two attractive female percussionists that perform acrobatics, dance, provide backup singing and beat the crap out of various and assundry items, ranging from a red fire pail to cymbals to the big drum that you see below.
As you can tell from the closeness of this picture, I was still right up on the stage for this band. In fact, I was so close I could taste their sweat...because they kept leaning out over the crowd and various body fluids fell upon us. (The less said about that, the better.) Unwanted fluid exchanges aside, I was well pleased with my location for the show. You see, I had precisely and specifically calculated my locale to make the most out of this show. As you all may know, during their finale, the above percussionist will throw said drum out onto the crowd, climb up on it and drum surf while continuing to beat the living crap out of the drum.
Now witness my moment of glory!!! - The image below, while rough, reveals (from bottom to top) my arm, leading up to the bottom of the huge drum, leading up to the well-toned posterior of the hot female percussionist who was riding the drum.
That's right. This year, I was under the drum. I snapped several pictures during this period; unfortunately, you are looking at the clearest one...Anyway, after the band had been going for a little while, the lead singer also dove out into the crowd and then climbed up on the drum to join the percussionist. Now, I couldn't exactly see everything that was going on up there, but I can tell you that one of them was jumping up and down, and eventually, the lead singer ended up swinging from the rafters of the venue. All in all, this was an amazing show, and I doubt I will ever have a live music experience that could top it. By the end of the night I was soaked with sweat, hopped up on adrenaline and sore as a linebacker.
Mike Relm
8:00 PM
This was a turntablist (DJ) from San Francisco. (I released a derisive guffaw when I first heard the "turntablist" term, but apparently that kind of response is looked down upon in certain circles. Mainly in circles that use the term "turntablist.") Now, typically, I could care less about DJ's, but as I watched this guy's show, I realized that if you incorporate movie or TV footage into something, I'll find it entertaining. This guy had a DVD scratcher that let him manipulate the on-screen video along with the audio. For his mixing purposes, he incorporated scenes from two of my favorite movies - Fight Club and Office Space - along with various other films. Buzz took this picture (http://www.flickr.com/photos/ldandersen/113670438/in/photostream/) when good ol' Mike was mixing a Bjork video. Notice how much nicer Buzz's pictures are.
Point of interest: This show was at the Blender bar, which apparently caters to an extremely tall clientele. While using the bathroom, I was barely able to get the corresponding bit of my anatomy to a level that would allow me to use the facility in an appropriate manner. If I were a few inches shorter (like Buzz...he may be able to take nicer pictures, but I'm taller), I would have had to have been on my tiptoes.
Magnet
9:00 PM
This was a one man show, and this guy had talent. He just sat in a chair surrounded by an electric guitar, banjo (also electric), a sitar (also, also electric) and a bunch of pedals and made it sound like he had an entire band accompanying him. It was impressive. He'd pick up an instrument, play it for a song, put it down, pick up the next instrument and start playing it.
Flogging Molly
10:15 PM
A few of my friends had recommended these guys, and I was not disappointed. They were kind of like a Celtic Gogol Bordello (if you don't know who that is, just keep reading), at least, that's what I thought when I saw them. So, if Gogol Bordello = gypsy punk, then Flogging Molly = potato eating, alcoholic (Irish) punk.
The Living End
11:30 PM
I had never heard of these guys, but by a little ingenuity and hard work, I made it right up to the front stage for their show. While Flogging Molly had seen fit to incorporate a fiddle into their act, these guys went for a full-blown cello - a cello, I should point out, that the cellist saw fit to mount several times during the show (see image below).
(Note: The actual instrument may not have been a cello, but I am not an expert in classical instruments.)
I think I should also point out that these guys started out in full suits and jackets. After the first couple of songs, they had peeled off the jackets. By the end of their set, they had sweated through their white shirts so thoroughly that it looked like we were watching a wet-tshirt contest...with very ugly women...very ugly.
Gogol Bordello
12:45 AM
These people are the Platonic ideal of live music. I may not have been to as many live shows as some people, but I defy you to find a band that can put on a show like these guys. As a brief recap, I was first exposed to Gogol Bordello last year at SXSW, and I have been in awe ever since. The band is a mixture of old-world gypsy music (a la accordion and fiddle) and new world punk. They are expert showmen, and every time I have seen them, they have had the crowd simultaneously whipped into a frenzy and eating out of their hand. (I may point out that having a frenzied anything, crowd or otherwise, eat out of your hand is a rather dangerous task and should not be tried without the proper adult supervision.)
In addition to those on instruments, there are two attractive female percussionists that perform acrobatics, dance, provide backup singing and beat the crap out of various and assundry items, ranging from a red fire pail to cymbals to the big drum that you see below.
As you can tell from the closeness of this picture, I was still right up on the stage for this band. In fact, I was so close I could taste their sweat...because they kept leaning out over the crowd and various body fluids fell upon us. (The less said about that, the better.) Unwanted fluid exchanges aside, I was well pleased with my location for the show. You see, I had precisely and specifically calculated my locale to make the most out of this show. As you all may know, during their finale, the above percussionist will throw said drum out onto the crowd, climb up on it and drum surf while continuing to beat the living crap out of the drum.
Now witness my moment of glory!!! - The image below, while rough, reveals (from bottom to top) my arm, leading up to the bottom of the huge drum, leading up to the well-toned posterior of the hot female percussionist who was riding the drum.
That's right. This year, I was under the drum. I snapped several pictures during this period; unfortunately, you are looking at the clearest one...Anyway, after the band had been going for a little while, the lead singer also dove out into the crowd and then climbed up on the drum to join the percussionist. Now, I couldn't exactly see everything that was going on up there, but I can tell you that one of them was jumping up and down, and eventually, the lead singer ended up swinging from the rafters of the venue. All in all, this was an amazing show, and I doubt I will ever have a live music experience that could top it. By the end of the night I was soaked with sweat, hopped up on adrenaline and sore as a linebacker.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
A Brief Photo-Essay Interlude
+
=
(The first image was taken by Buzz Andersen, photographer extraordinaire. The second image was stolen from www.tylersaustin.com. The final image is the only one that I actually have any rights to...because I took it.)
Wednesday - March 15, 2006
We now magically jump ahead to the Austin phase of the trip since I doubt anyone wants to hear the boring details of family barbecues and the like. If you want to see some quality photos of the SXSW music festival, I would recommend going to my friend Buzz's Flickr page here - http://www.flickr.com/photos/ldandersen/sets/72057594087071768/
If you would like to see complete and utter crap photos, just keep reading this weblog...
5:00 PM
Arrived in Austin (after a being delayed in the Phoenix Sky Harbor airport for an hour and a half because of a snow storm in Salt Lake City...) and was immediately off to listen to the muzak.
Envelopes
8:00 PM
This band was, perhaps, the wisest choice to begin the grand music festival - the consistent level of suckage that these guys maintained ensured that it all had to be uphill from there. Simply put, the noises that were being emitted from their instruments could barely be called music. I mean, I don't know if guitars can actually vomit, but if they can, that's the sound that they'd make.
We Start Fires
8:30 PM
Technically, I had heard a couple of this band's songs during a sound check before seeing the Envelopes. The group was composed of a trio of pyromaniacal British hotties (and some drummer guy). What more can you ask for out of a band? Well, that and being able to rock out, which they did. In fact, this was the only new band I heard that I found myself singing one of their songs on and off throughout the trip.
As a side note, while watching this band, a young lady from the Miller Lite alcoholic beverage street marketing team asked me to wear a bottle cap pin that had a little red flashing light on it. Loathe as I am to turn down a request from a pretty lady, particularly one in the marketing industry, I consented. Apparently, in addition to having the potential of causing an epileptic fit in certain people, the bottle cap pin also emits a high pitched squeal that causes every balding male over 6ft that happens to have a camera on them to stand immediately in front of it. Literally moments after the pin was on me, five tall, folically-challenged photographers were standing within five feet of me, taking pictures of the band. I am presently determining how to use this little gem for maximum entertainment - I'm thinking that it will either involve the light rail or a high school archery practice.
The Czars
10:00 PM
If the actual Russian czars were as terrible as this Denver band, I can kind of understand why the Russian people were so quick to embrace Communism.
The Flaming Lips
11:00 PM
This was a "Special Guest" that wasn't officially on the SXSW band list, but if you knew someone in the "know," then you had heard about it. Luckily, my friend Buzz was one of those in the "know." As their set began, I thought that I would merely be summarizing this entry with three simple words - Bohemian Rhapsody cover.
However, I quickly realized that such a brief commentary would do short shrift to the event. You see, these gentlemen are the Carrot Tops of the music scene. (By using the term "Carrot Top," I don't mean that they had bright red hair and suck beyond human comprehension. I mean that they have an obsession with props, an obsession to the point of excess beyond the Romans before the fall of Pompey.) Amidst singing about little "silhouettos" and pulling "triggers," the band released a flurry of ginormous (sic) balloons that were freakish in size...you know, like Abe Lincoln or Andre the Giant. Add to this a green-fog emitting megaphone, spray-painted Hulk hands and a barnyard animal sound board that was wired...for sound. It was a good show; however, they chose to end it with a horrible Black Sabbath cover that could have only been more awful if they had brought in the real Carrot Top to sing it.
Oh yeah, and a guy somehow talked the band into letting him on stage so that he could propose to his girlfriend.
Also, the aforementioned Buzz (he's getting mentioned a lot here) used the press pass he had scored to get up onto the actual stage and take pictures - http://www.flickr.com/photos/ldandersen/113247285/in/photostream/
Of Montreal
12:00 AM
The only reason we saw these guys was because we were waiting to see the Trail of Dead. All I really have to say is that they are a band called "Of Montreal," and they are from Atlanta, GA. Brain surgeons, they are not.
They do love their bass though. During their set, I could feel various portions of my anatomy resonating with the driving tones of their music. My pants would also routinely vibrate when the band really got going. Apparently their music operates at the appropriate frequency to excite the outermost electrons of denimium particles (the primary element used in the smelting of jeans) to the next shell level.
Standing around waiting for - And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead
1:00 AM
The house music is excruciating...am considering hanging myself with my Boba Fett hoodie to stop the pain.
Still standing around waiting for - And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead
1:15 AM
They've started the sound check. It's bound to start soon.
Still, still standing around waiting for - And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead
1:25 AM
Man. With such an extended sound check, these guys must really be concerned about making sure that everything sounds great.
And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead
1:35 AM
Or not...Now perhaps I was expecting a little too much out of these guys. Over the past several years, I have heard several people comment on how entertaining they had been live and about their tendency to break equipment on stage. And, admittedly, they were down a keyboardist for the show, but man did they really work hard at sucking. Not only were they playing off time and key, but the lead singer was flat for almost every song.
The one highlight was the drummer. I have seen some people go to town on drums before, but you don't hit a drum as hard as this guy unless you have an agenda. I don't know if one touched him inappropriately at camp one summer or if one killed his family, but you really have to have something against drums to beat one like this guy did.
If you would like to see complete and utter crap photos, just keep reading this weblog...
5:00 PM
Arrived in Austin (after a being delayed in the Phoenix Sky Harbor airport for an hour and a half because of a snow storm in Salt Lake City...) and was immediately off to listen to the muzak.
Envelopes
8:00 PM
This band was, perhaps, the wisest choice to begin the grand music festival - the consistent level of suckage that these guys maintained ensured that it all had to be uphill from there. Simply put, the noises that were being emitted from their instruments could barely be called music. I mean, I don't know if guitars can actually vomit, but if they can, that's the sound that they'd make.
We Start Fires
8:30 PM
Technically, I had heard a couple of this band's songs during a sound check before seeing the Envelopes. The group was composed of a trio of pyromaniacal British hotties (and some drummer guy). What more can you ask for out of a band? Well, that and being able to rock out, which they did. In fact, this was the only new band I heard that I found myself singing one of their songs on and off throughout the trip.
As a side note, while watching this band, a young lady from the Miller Lite alcoholic beverage street marketing team asked me to wear a bottle cap pin that had a little red flashing light on it. Loathe as I am to turn down a request from a pretty lady, particularly one in the marketing industry, I consented. Apparently, in addition to having the potential of causing an epileptic fit in certain people, the bottle cap pin also emits a high pitched squeal that causes every balding male over 6ft that happens to have a camera on them to stand immediately in front of it. Literally moments after the pin was on me, five tall, folically-challenged photographers were standing within five feet of me, taking pictures of the band. I am presently determining how to use this little gem for maximum entertainment - I'm thinking that it will either involve the light rail or a high school archery practice.
The Czars
10:00 PM
If the actual Russian czars were as terrible as this Denver band, I can kind of understand why the Russian people were so quick to embrace Communism.
The Flaming Lips
11:00 PM
This was a "Special Guest" that wasn't officially on the SXSW band list, but if you knew someone in the "know," then you had heard about it. Luckily, my friend Buzz was one of those in the "know." As their set began, I thought that I would merely be summarizing this entry with three simple words - Bohemian Rhapsody cover.
However, I quickly realized that such a brief commentary would do short shrift to the event. You see, these gentlemen are the Carrot Tops of the music scene. (By using the term "Carrot Top," I don't mean that they had bright red hair and suck beyond human comprehension. I mean that they have an obsession with props, an obsession to the point of excess beyond the Romans before the fall of Pompey.) Amidst singing about little "silhouettos" and pulling "triggers," the band released a flurry of ginormous (sic) balloons that were freakish in size...you know, like Abe Lincoln or Andre the Giant. Add to this a green-fog emitting megaphone, spray-painted Hulk hands and a barnyard animal sound board that was wired...for sound. It was a good show; however, they chose to end it with a horrible Black Sabbath cover that could have only been more awful if they had brought in the real Carrot Top to sing it.
Oh yeah, and a guy somehow talked the band into letting him on stage so that he could propose to his girlfriend.
Also, the aforementioned Buzz (he's getting mentioned a lot here) used the press pass he had scored to get up onto the actual stage and take pictures - http://www.flickr.com/photos/ldandersen/113247285/in/photostream/
Of Montreal
12:00 AM
The only reason we saw these guys was because we were waiting to see the Trail of Dead. All I really have to say is that they are a band called "Of Montreal," and they are from Atlanta, GA. Brain surgeons, they are not.
They do love their bass though. During their set, I could feel various portions of my anatomy resonating with the driving tones of their music. My pants would also routinely vibrate when the band really got going. Apparently their music operates at the appropriate frequency to excite the outermost electrons of denimium particles (the primary element used in the smelting of jeans) to the next shell level.
Standing around waiting for - And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead
1:00 AM
The house music is excruciating...am considering hanging myself with my Boba Fett hoodie to stop the pain.
Still standing around waiting for - And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead
1:15 AM
They've started the sound check. It's bound to start soon.
Still, still standing around waiting for - And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead
1:25 AM
Man. With such an extended sound check, these guys must really be concerned about making sure that everything sounds great.
And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead
1:35 AM
Or not...Now perhaps I was expecting a little too much out of these guys. Over the past several years, I have heard several people comment on how entertaining they had been live and about their tendency to break equipment on stage. And, admittedly, they were down a keyboardist for the show, but man did they really work hard at sucking. Not only were they playing off time and key, but the lead singer was flat for almost every song.
The one highlight was the drummer. I have seen some people go to town on drums before, but you don't hit a drum as hard as this guy unless you have an agenda. I don't know if one touched him inappropriately at camp one summer or if one killed his family, but you really have to have something against drums to beat one like this guy did.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Friday - March 10, 2006
After a two hour plane trip and subsequent three hour car ride (technically it was a car drive, since I did all of the driving), I found myself on exotic Lake Havasu - the location of many an MTV Spring Break broadcast and local college hotspot. At a balmy 55 degrees, there wasn't a whole lot of action down on the beach, but I didn't let that stop me. I had fun anyway...
In the far distance, you can barely make out the volleyball net. With no one else on the beach, I was forced to play with myself...wait a minute...that didn't come out right...
Moving on...
After a fun-filled day of not wakeboarding, not swimming and not looking at hot lifeguards running in slow motion, I turned my attention to the local night life. After a brief search I soon found that one of the local watering holes was featuring a krump-dancing competition.
Unfortunately, I do not think the locals know what a krump is or what it looks like when dancing. And since I do not either, I was unable to explain it to them. Needless to say, I still think they were doing it wrong.
Of course, no trip to Arizona would be complete without participating in the official state pastime - Indian Casino Gambling. I managed to lose over US$30 dollars in a Star Wars themed video slot machine. Now, as a master of The Force (TM) , the only way I could lose at such a game was if it had been rigged.
After the infernal device had stolen all of my money, I attempted to use my Jedi powers to retrieve the unfairly lost currency. When that didn't work, I tried reaching my arm up in to the coin release, but the man in the black uniform informed me that I was not allowed to do this. Recognizing this vile fiend as a Sith Lord apprentice, if not the Sith Lord himself, I decided discretion was the better part of valor and followed his advice to "back away from the machine, you freaking whack-job." I then tried to use the subtle, yet powerful Jedi mind trick on the people in the cash room to try to get my money back, but all I got was tasered in the process.
George Lucas will be receiving a scathing e-mail from me in the near future.
In the far distance, you can barely make out the volleyball net. With no one else on the beach, I was forced to play with myself...wait a minute...that didn't come out right...
Moving on...
After a fun-filled day of not wakeboarding, not swimming and not looking at hot lifeguards running in slow motion, I turned my attention to the local night life. After a brief search I soon found that one of the local watering holes was featuring a krump-dancing competition.
Unfortunately, I do not think the locals know what a krump is or what it looks like when dancing. And since I do not either, I was unable to explain it to them. Needless to say, I still think they were doing it wrong.
Of course, no trip to Arizona would be complete without participating in the official state pastime - Indian Casino Gambling. I managed to lose over US$30 dollars in a Star Wars themed video slot machine. Now, as a master of The Force (TM) , the only way I could lose at such a game was if it had been rigged.
After the infernal device had stolen all of my money, I attempted to use my Jedi powers to retrieve the unfairly lost currency. When that didn't work, I tried reaching my arm up in to the coin release, but the man in the black uniform informed me that I was not allowed to do this. Recognizing this vile fiend as a Sith Lord apprentice, if not the Sith Lord himself, I decided discretion was the better part of valor and followed his advice to "back away from the machine, you freaking whack-job." I then tried to use the subtle, yet powerful Jedi mind trick on the people in the cash room to try to get my money back, but all I got was tasered in the process.
George Lucas will be receiving a scathing e-mail from me in the near future.
Spring Break 2006
Ladies and Gentlemen,
It is now time to share in the mad-cap antics that were my spring break adventure. The first half of my adventure was spent in Phoenix visiting my Dad, and the second half was spent in Austin with my friends for the South by Southwest (SXSW) music festival. The trip lasted from March 10 - 20, 2006.
I hope you enjoy the following musings...
It is now time to share in the mad-cap antics that were my spring break adventure. The first half of my adventure was spent in Phoenix visiting my Dad, and the second half was spent in Austin with my friends for the South by Southwest (SXSW) music festival. The trip lasted from March 10 - 20, 2006.
I hope you enjoy the following musings...
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