A Reflection on Terror

Mayhaps you have heard of the recent hullabaloo, but in case you hadn’t, I shall summarize. Recently, one of the bloggers on the New York Times Web site engaged in a discussion on terrorism – specifically, potential terror attacks. After briefly analyzing the uselessness of the TSA, the author began to speculate on how he would act were he a terrorist, indicating that the government’s current efforts would be unable to stop him or by extension any truly motivated terrorist. The author then invited his readers to add their suggestions at terrorist attacks, stating:

"I’m sure many readers have far better ideas. I would love to hear them. Consider that posting them could be a form of public service: I presume that a lot more folks who oppose and fight terror read this blog than actual terrorists. So by getting these ideas out in the open, it gives terror fighters a chance to consider and plan for these scenarios before they occur."

I have decided to accept this challenge. Over the past few days, I have focused my thoughts upon determining the most terrifying and morale-crippling actions that terrorists could take. In the same spirit as Messieur Levitt, I shall now post them for worldwide comment:

• Fire a baby cannon at the White House (Note: a baby cannon operates the same as a normal cannon, only using babies for ammunition)
• Found a hippie commune
• Sabotage the Hersheys manufacturing facility so that it can only produce white chocolate
• Have European women streak a national sporting event (they don’t shave their parts)
• Stampede a head of cattle through downtown Detroit
• Fire a baby catapult at the White House (Note: like a baby cannon, a baby catapult operates under the same principles as a catapult only using babies for ammunition)
• Make alarmist documentary about global warming
• Assassinate David Eick and Ronald D. Moore before they can finish Battlestar Galactica
• Bring back New Coke
• Cripple the U.S. economy by burning every dollar that they earn
• Build a fully operational Death Star
• Vote for someone in the Green Party
• Elect a woman president (Oh no he didn’t)
• Build a baby trebauchet (I think you’ve caught on to the principle at this point)
• Beat a dead horse
• Make out with Natalie Portman (Note: While this may not inspire terror, this item seems to show up on every to do list I make).