Life Imitating Art

I've just returned from a Christmas party...the only Christmas party I was actually invited to this year. While there, I had an "interesting" conversation regarding movies, a conversation that brought on a strong sense of deja vu. In particular, some of the people at the party were talking about going to see the new King Kong movie on Tuesday. Having seen the film, I offered a few tidbits regarding the nature of the work, particularly its length. More specifically, I stated that:

a) It was over 3 hours long.
b) It could have been made shorter.
c) Kong does not appear until 1 hr and 9 mins into the movie. (I timed it with my watch.)
d) They make it back to New York in 2hrs and 17 mins into the movie, leaving him roughly 45 mins to wreak havoc on New York.

After making these comments ("d" in particular), I was informed by one of the other guests that I shouldn't be talking so much about the film, since he hadn't seen it yet. Immediately, I had a flashback to a Penny Arcade strip that I had read a short ways back.

Now, I like to believe that I am fairly sensitive to spoiler information. Ever since I had a coworker ruin the surprise twist of Fight Club, I've tried to monitor how much I reveal about a movie, particularly if I don't know whether or not the person I am talking to has seen it. But as Gabe so eloquently points out in the strip, there are limits in place.

It's King Kong. They're not really treading any new ground with this one. And even then, knowing that Kong trashes New York is in no way going to ruin the film for you. You should be able to put that much together from just watching the preview.

To continue on Gabe's mean-spirited spoilering of The Passion, I seek to ruin additional films for the denizens of the Intraweb. WARNING: There be spoilers below:

Batman Begins - Bruce Wayne is Batman.

Debbie Does Dallas - Couples have actual sex on film.

Ernest Saves Christmas - Ernest does, in fact, save Christmas.

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial - E.T. manages to phone home.

Fried Green Tomatoes - Pre-ripened tomatoes are placed in fat and heated.

Hamlet - Everybody dies. Everybody, that is, except Horatio...and Fortinbras.

JFK - President Kennedy is assassinated.

Mickey's Christmas Carol - Ebenezer Scrooge reforms and comes to embrace the true meaning of Christmas, which has absolutely nothing to do with the baby Jesus and everything to do with product placement of Disney cartoon properties.

The Muppets Take Manhattan - After a pitched battle with the Lords of Hell street gang, the Muppets succeed in conquering the island of Manhattan and instituting a benevolent dictatorship under the reign of Professor Milton Honeydew.

Planet of the Apes - Charleton Heston (or Mark Wahlberg in the later version) is an astronaut that lands on a planet that is dominated and controlled by apes.

Psycho - Norman Bates is the killer, dressing up in his mother's clothing and slaughtering young women.

Raiders of the Lost Ark - Indiana Jones raids archaeological sites, searching for the Ark of the Covenant that was lost centuries ago.

Star Wars - Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father, Anakin Skywalker. (If you did not already know this, you are either a Communist or the Anti-Christ. Either way, destroy yourself now for the benefit of humanity.)

The Ten Commandments - Moses leads his people in a grand exodus out of Egypt.

The Titanic - Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslett's characters fall in love.

To Kill A Mockingbird - The title is actually a metaphor and no mockingbirds are killed in the film.

Tora! Tora! Tora! - The Japanese successfully bomb Pearl Harbor.

Transformers: The Movie - Hot Rod, not Ultra Magnus, unlocks the power of the Matrix and becomes Rodimus Prime, the new leader of the Autobots.

The Wizard of Oz - Dorothy and Toto leave Kansas...and the Wicked Witch of the West attempts to "get" both of them.