Josh = Jerk

Josh Is a Jerk

(A play in two parts)

Cast of Characters

Josh: Me
Rob: Sports-obsessed Irishman
Amie: Short, spite-filled...that's about it
Kyle: Tree-hugging, crunchy-granola-eating hippie

Male Desk Attendant
Female Desk Attendant #1
Female Desk Attendant #2

Scene I

Setting - Night time, almost midnight. A hotel lobby, boasting a checkin counter and a television with women's college basketball.

Josh: Hey Rob, what room is Kyle in?

(Rob continues to stare at the television)

Rob! What room is Kyle in?

Rob: Um...I think it's 212.

Josh: Cool.

Amie: Why do you need to know what room Kyle is in?

Josh: Just watch. (Walks over to the checkin counter)

Hi, I'm Kyle Perkins - in Room 212. I was wondering if I could get a wakeup call for 3:45?

Male Desk Attendant: Oh, I don't think I can do that.

Josh: You don't think you can do that?

Male Desk Attendant: No. That's a bit much. I don't think I could do that to somebody.

Female Desk Attendant #1:You could always set your alarm clock.

Josh: Um...Is there a way I can get the alarm clock to go off at two different times?

Male Desk Attendant: Oh, uh, I don't think so.

Female Desk Attendant #1: You could set it, and then we could call you after 15 minutes to make sure that you got up.

Josh: Okay. I think that would work. So there's no way to get the alarm clock to go off twice? 'Cause that would honestly work best.

Male Desk Attendant: I just don't know. Uhhh...

Female Desk Attendant #1: Hold on. (Pulls out a sheet of paper)

So what time do you want us to call you?

Josh: Could you call at 3:45?

Female Desk Attendant #2: Why don't we call at 3:00, then you wouldn't get any sleep.

Josh: Hah! Tell me about it.

Female Desk Attendant #1: Okay...3:45. What other time do you need us to call?

Josh: Oh, I can just set my alarm for the other one. The one call should be fine. Thanks.

Female Desk Attendant #1: Have a good night sir.

Josh: I will.

(Fadeout)

Scene II

Rob: So, do you think Kyle enjoyed his wake up call?

Josh: I don't know. I thought that he was going to call me...or show up at my room and take a swing at me.

Rob: I'm surprised that we all didn't get calls... (Kyle walks up behind him)

...at 3:46, 3:47 and 3:48... (Sees Kyle)

...Uh, ccompletely forget what I was just saying.

Josh: Hey, Kyle, you're looking a little rough

Kyle: (Grunts)

Josh: So you got a pretty good night's sleep?

Kyle: No. These idiots screwed up my wakeup call.

Josh: Really?

Kyle: Yeah, I told them to call me at 6:45 and they called me at 3:45.

Josh: Snap!

Kyle: My phone was ringing, and when I answered it, they said - "This is your 3:45 wakeup call." And I was like, "Um, I asked for a 6:45 wakeup call, not 3:45."

"Oh, sorry, sir."

Josh: Man, that sucks. I can't believe that they screwed it up that badly. You should have words with somebody about that.