Do not taunt the Josh

I have been fairly busy at work for quite some time now and unable to tap away at the old keyboard (professionally or recreationally) as much as I would like. That being said, this week I was luckily able (forced) to attend a company-wide communication workshop that was intended to aid me in not being offensive and being more tolerant of the communication styles of others. As preparation for the event, I (as well as everyone else) was given one of those self-evaluation (pick the one that most describes you) tests.

Over the years, I've taken a number of these tests and have learned to be disappointed with the results. Typically, these things end up classifying you in one of four categories (or if you're lucky, one of eight) that, at least for me, feel that they may describe part of my personality but fail to capture the full glory that is I. In direct contradiction of the immortal words of Tyler Durden, I do believe that I am a unique snowflake and therefore difficult to define.

Imagine my surprise this morning when I was greeted with a 20-page personality analysis that actually did a decent job of portraying the complexities and conflicting impulses that define me. Apparently the Jungian psychological voodoo that they performed on my responses actually worked.

Of course, as I mentioned earlier, the intent of this test was to aid me in my communication efforts, and, in turn, aid others as they communicate with me. Rather than engaging in any type of self-reflection that may lead to increased enlightenment, I prefer to take my more comfortable position of belligerent jackass and instead offer you all some of the more useful tips to employ when you communicate with me.

Strategies for communicating with Joshua:

• Be consistent.
• Gently remind him of the human dimension.
• Respect his knowledge (of the job).
• Allow time for him to think of the consequences.
• Remember to thank him for his time.

Of course, the tips of what to do pale in comparison to the tips of what not to do...

When communicating with Joshua, DO NOT:

• Interrupt him when he is in control.
• Stand or sit too close to him.
• Touch his body or belongings.
• Make direct eye contact or any sudden movements.

Okay, maybe I wrote in that last one, but it seemed to be keeping with the theme. And actually, I couldn't pass up this little tidbit either. It's listed under my "blind spots," meaning that it is an aspect of my psyche that I may not be aware of...

He may rely on personal forcefulness and, if necessary, intimidation to achieve his aims. He tends to be seen by others as dictatorial and can be aggressive in arguing his position.

After a sound beating about the head and shoulders with a coffee carafe, the workshop leader agreed to take back that last part...but perhaps I've said too much.