The Mile High City Just Joined the Mile High Club

In the local cable television market, there have been a number of advertisements for a new night club that is intended to cater to a more "refined" crowd. Featuring the same background music as the "I'm a Mac, and I'm a PC" spots (or the even cooler "I'm a Marvel, and I'm a DC" spots), these commercials primarily focus on contrast. The crux of these ads is to differentiate between the shallow, obnoxious clientele that can be found in most of the city's night life and the "refined" patrons of this new club.

Now, I can't say in particular why I decided to check out the Web site for this "refined" establishment - if I recall, I was merely curious to find out how far from downtown this un-downtown-like club was...the answer being not very. However, while browsing this site, I ran across some very interesting information about the "refinement" of this club.

This highly cultivated speakeasy prides itself on its "cocktail chefs" who are experts in the "art of the Cocktail." And the location boasts to being "second to none in Denver for socializing, entertaining, schmoozing, or just watching a game with your close friends." The establishment is, in fact, so "refined" that it features a strict dress code that ensures I will never be allowed to enter unless someone else has dressed me.

Now I know what you're thinking - it's the same thing I was thinking - this sounds like a really classy place. (I mean, if I was going to have another Sweet 16 party, I would totally host it there.) But imagine my surprise when I finally read the most "refining" aspect of this club that has been so well "refined" (I sure seem to be using that word a lot). I offer you the following:

"We cater to couples on Saturday. The mass majority of those couples tend to be Denver swingers or couples that have an open mind and are looking to meet other couples who are at least curious about aspects of the Denver "lifestyle". This does not mean that everyone who attends is looking to have sex with other couples! While most of the couples that attend have had experiences with other couples or single women, many couples just come to enjoy the fun atmosphere we provide and encourage. It's sexy, fun, very classy and tasteful. If you’re curious about the Denver lifestyle or Denver swinger scene, Sugar House is the perfect place to explore those curiosities. Each weekend we see new couples coming in who are merely curious or interested to see what the Denver swinger scene is all about."

Apparently "refined" is a code word for having lots of freaky sex, and apparently the "Denver lifestyle" means having a tasteful threeway...or fourway...which could explain why so many Californians have moved here. (They like the freaky sex... not that there's anything wrong with that...in fact, I hope that when I die, it's while I'm refining my Denver lifestyle - if you know what I mean....I mean that I want to die while I'm having lots of freaky sex...with supermodels...plural).

UPDATE: Just thought of the phrase "tasteful threeway" and couldn't let it go to waste.